He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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