Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize