I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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