erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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