i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
