It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize