I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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