I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
