Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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