What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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