3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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