my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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