The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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