the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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