he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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