I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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