why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
