Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I party with great urgency now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
