Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
