You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
