Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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