She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
