do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
