Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
