Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We got so high we made milksteak
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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