Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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