He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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