Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
