Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Vodka?
Forever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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