Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize