Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
