Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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