just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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