It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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