She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
