mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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