you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
