I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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