So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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