So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
