Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
