Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
