hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
