More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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