You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
two words...techno handjob
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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