3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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