my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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