i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
