Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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