she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
