i don't like sucking hair
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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