a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
