Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize