So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
