don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize