btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
