Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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