do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
