you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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