I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
