i was born a porn star she said
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize