I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
