On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
