I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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