I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
