i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
