we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
