Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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