i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
