I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
