Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize