I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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