I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
