So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize