I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
