He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
