so that wasnt chicken after all
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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