guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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