Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize