Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
