K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize