Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
