What a fucking waste of an outfit
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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