I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
