Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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