Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize