Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
