Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
