so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
