I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
