I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize