Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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