How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
