dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
