I wanna passion pit in your ass
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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