Define "chronic" masturbator.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
