I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
