No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
