I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
