If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Randomize
