i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
