rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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