hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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