remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
