youre lurking in front of me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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