there's paper in my vomit.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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