Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
