3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
