She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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