If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
