11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
