His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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