Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
