I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
