oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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