Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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