So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
