fuck your aforementioned shoe
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
