would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
