If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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